A chrono-synclastic infundibulum—from time ("chrono"), curved toward the same side in all directions ("synclastic"), and funnel ("infundibulum")—is a phenomenon which distorts usual human perceptions of space and time. Those that enter them are scattered across multiple times and places and can obtain awareness of how moments are structured and connected, in essence allowing them to perceive "the future" as understood by human beings. Because of this, the "many different ways of being right" in the universe can become aligned and "all different kinds of truths fit together".[1] It has thus been described as "a mathematical point where all opinions, no matter how contradictory, harmonized".[2] It is sometimes colloquially referred to as a "time warp".[3]
Discovery and Rumfoord Expedition[]
Chrono-synclastic infundibulae were first discovered mathematically based on irregularities in the paths of unmanned space ships. Due to the high number of them within the solar system, all governments suspended their space exploration programs.[4] This was used by several Christian fundamentalist preachers in the United States as evidence that God did not want human beings venturing into space. The Reverend Bobby Denton, for example, at a sermon during his Love Crusade in Wheeling, West Virginia, compared the situation to the Tower of Babel, in which humans, using their "international" language of science, have once again been prevented from reaching the heavens.[5] During the Martian War, two rockets with thermo-nuclear devices fired by Earth at Mars disappeared in a chrono-synclastic infundibulum.[6]
Wealthy American Winston Niles Rumfoord paid $58 million of his own money for the first privately owned space ship. Taking his dog Kazak along, he deliberately piloted his ship into a chrono-synclastic infundibulum.[7] As a result, he and Kazak existed as wave phenomena scattered along a spiral stretching from the Sun to the star Betelguese. Whenever their path intersected with an object in space, the two would materialize on it.[8] Due to the orbits of the planets in the solar system, Rumfoord would re-materialize on Earth every 59 days,[9] on Mars every 111 days,[10] and briefly on Mercury every 14 days.[11] For unknown reasons, this spiral coincided exactly with the path of Saturn's moon Titan, meaning Rumfoord and Kazak were perpetually materialized there[12] until their expulsion from the solar system by stellar explosions. Due to being "chrono-synclastic infundibulated," Rumfoord was aware that all of human existence had been manipulated by Tralfamadorians solely to provide a replacement piece for Salo's damaged space ship on Titan.[13] Due to Rumfoord's influence on Martian society, three of the 21 months on the Martian calendar were named "Chrono", "Synclastic", and "Infundibulum".[14]
Later Ventures[]
The winner of the Blast-off Space Food Jingle Contest, poet Stony Stevenson of Indianapolis, was awarded a trip to the chrono-synclastic infundibulum,[15] for which he underwent three months of training.[16] Although initially skeptical of sending someone inexperienced into space, former astronaut Bud Williams speculated that perhaps only a poet could describe such a phenomenon.[17] Denton protested at this launch.[18] When the rocket left Earth at 28,000 miles per hour, broadcaster Walter Gesundheit thought perhaps Stony could "find the answer to all creation".[19] On Christmas Day, six months after beginning his journey, Stony entered the chrono-synclastic infundibulum, after which it was believed that "he could be anywhere and everywhere".[20]
Passage through it was accompanied by strange phenomena in which he encountered other versions of himself and time was shattered. He had been told he might come straight back to Earth in the present or future, but not the past.[21] At one point after appearing in Schenectady, New York, Stony was able to get change to make a telephone call to Mission Control from a passing drunk by telling him that he'd been "shot through a chrono-synclastic infundibulum", which the drunk called the saddest story he'd ever heard in his life.[22] Upon calling Mission Control, Stony was chastised for returning to Earth, but he replied that he was not in control of where he went. He theorized that he was traveling through his own nightmares "and a few nice dreams, too" since everyone he encountered spoke English and the places seemed so American.[23]
On July 4, 1989, the United States launched the rocket ship the Arthur C. Clarke in the direction of Andromeda with "with eight hundred pounds of freeze-dried jizzum" onboard, an event promoted as "The Big Space Fuck". The goal was to attempt to seed another planet with human DNA and assure the survival of the species since Earth was becoming increasingly uninhabitable. Andromeda was selected as the target due to the 87 known chrono-synclastic infundibulae or "time warps" between there and Earth. If the Arthur C. Clarke entered one, the ship "would appear everywhere throughout space and time," increasing the chances of seeding a new world.[24]
Appearances[]
- ↑ The Sirens of Titan, Vonnegut: Novels & Stories 1963-1973, pp. 317-318.
- ↑ "About This Play", Happy Birthday, Wanda June, pg. ix, where Vonnegut describes himself as living in one since he feels "that everybody is right, no matter what he says."
- ↑ Between Time and Timbuktu, pp. 14-15.
- ↑ The Sirens of Titan, Vonnegut: Novels & Stories 1963-1973, pg. 327.
- ↑ The Sirens of Titan, Vonnegut: Novels & Stories 1963-1973, pp. 329-330.
- ↑ The Sirens of Titan, Vonnegut: Novels & Stories 1963-1973, pg. 429.
- ↑ The Sirens of Titan, Vonnegut: Novels & Stories 1963-1973, pg. 327.
- ↑ The Sirens of Titan, Vonnegut: Novels & Stories 1963-1973, pg. 495.
- ↑ The Sirens of Titan, Vonnegut: Novels & Stories 1963-1973, pg. 314.
- ↑ The Sirens of Titan, Vonnegut: Novels & Stories 1963-1973, pg. 399.
- ↑ The Sirens of Titan, Vonnegut: Novels & Stories 1963-1973, pg. 477.
- ↑ The Sirens of Titan, Vonnegut: Novels & Stories 1963-1973, pg. 495.
- ↑ The Sirens of Titan, Vonnegut: Novels & Stories 1963-1973, pp. 514-517.
- ↑ The Sirens of Titan, Vonnegut: Novels & Stories 1963-1973, pg. 404.
- ↑ Between Time and Timbuktu, pp. 1-2.
- ↑ Between Time and Timbuktu, pg. 11.
- ↑ Between Time and Timbuktu, pg. 14.
- ↑ Between Time and Timbuktu, pp. 28-32.
- ↑ Between Time and Timbuktu, pg. 36.
- ↑ Between Time and Timbuktu, pp. 54-59.
- ↑ Between Time and Timbuktu, pp. 60-64.
- ↑ Between Time and Timbuktu, pg. 134.
- ↑ Between Time and Timbuktu, pp. 137-139.
- ↑ "The Big Space Fuck", Complete Stories, pg. 897.