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George M. Helmholtz was the head of the music department at Lincoln High School. He was a central character of five short stories—four were published in The Saturday Evening Post from 1952 to 1956, with a final, "A Song for Selma," worked on as late as 1959 and first released posthumously in Look at the Birdie in 2009.[1] The second half of one of the published stories, "The Boy Who Hated Girls," was substantially rewritten and released in Bagombo Snuff Box in 1998. All five stories were published together in "Section 17: The Band Director" of Complete Stories in 2017 with an introduction by long time Vonnegut friend Dan Wakefield.[2]

Described as a "very kind fat man," Helmholtz was known for his devotion to producing the best possible marching band, regardless for cost. Somewhat eccentric and absent-minded, he often heard music in his head even when going about his daily business and was sometimes known to march in place, imitating musical instruments. While this could impress donors during fundraising, it was also a source of mockery or worse among certain band members. He often sought to encourage a fatherly relationship with his students to make them better players, occasionally with unintended consequences. At the age of 40, he had been head of the music department for at least a decade.[3]

Personal Life[]

JohnPhilipSousa-Chickering

John Philip Sousa, 1909

Helmholtz was large, even as a child,[4] although he later thought his "great belly was a sign of health, strength, and dignity."[5] He was an admirer of John Philip Sousa, owning one of his trumpets,[6] and had an ornately framed picture of him in his school office.[7] He inherited a parcel of land with a hill from his father which he primarily used as a location to pick free blackberries and hold band picnics. Around the age of 30 Helmholtz sold this land for $1000 to Bert Quinn who owned a restaurant on an attached piece of land; ten years later Quinn would level this hill for the town's expanding shopping district for a considerable profit. Helmholtz saw this as symbolic of his bad grasp of finances. Helmholtz was married.[8]

As Bandmaster at Lincoln High[]

When Helmholtz first arrived at Lincoln High, the band numbered only fifty members with bad quality uniforms that fit purely by chance. He composed a piece during his first year as Lincoln’s bandmaster later often played by the Ten Square Band called "Lincoln’s Foes Shall Wail Tonight".[9] Soon the high school's band became the first in the state to use flag twirlers, introduce choral pieces, utilizes triple-tonguing extensively, march in double time, and put a light inside the bass drum. Due to his efforts, the Lincoln High School Ten Square Band was the uncontested state champion for nine years in a row until Johnston High School acquired a bass drum seven feet in diameter that impressed the non-musical judges. However, Walter Plummer, the musically untalented last chair clarinetist in C Band, was able to acquire from the Knights of Kandahar an eight-foot bass drum pulled by a cart.[10] Along with a trumpet owned by John Phillip Sousa, the bass drum was one of Helmholtz's prized instruments, to the point that when he had a nightmare about its destruction, he came to the school at two in the morning to make sure it was all right.[11]

In addition to the funds allocated in the school's budget, which Helmholtz was occasionally allowed to raid with impunity, he spent a great deal of time fundraising among the local Chamber of Commerce, Kiwanis, Rotary, and Lions Clubs which would pay for uniforms, often a major expense for the band. Helmholtz's own uniform was compared to that of "a Bulgarian rear admiral" by Assistant Principle Stewart Haley, who would often rebuke Helmholtz for these extravagant costs. Funds were always insufficient for Helmholtz’s ambitious plans, leading to the nicknames "The Plunger" and "Diamond Jim" among rival bandmasters.[12]

Relationship with Students[]

Helmholtz was generally supportive of his students. The musically untalented Walter Plummer remained as last chair clarinetist in C Band for three years and was allowed to continually challenge (and lose to) players of much higher caliber for their positions. After Walter acquired an eight foot bass drum in hopes of joining A Band, Helmholtz offered him the position of guiding and balancing the bass drum in the necessary cart, making use of Walter's great lung capacity.[10] When piccolo player Leroy Duggan felt uncomfortable in regular band uniforms due to his "bell-shaped" body, Helmholtz had a special one made for him and personally paid for the additional cost which allowed the Ten Square Band to win the statewide championship again.[12]

Student Selma Ritter accidentally caused a misunderstanding among fellow students Al Schroeder, a musical prodigy, and Big Floyd Hires, the slow-witted C Band bass drummer, about their I.Q.s, causing Schroeder to give up his musical ambitions and Hires to compose "A Song for Selma" in her honor. Once Helmholtz determined what was going on, he explained it to the students and arranged a performance of Big Floyd's song to show that regardless of his I.Q., he could still produce beauty.[13]

Helmholtz taught over a thousand band members by the time he was 40 but would often take a personal interest in certain students, such as Jim Donnini, a troubled youth from Chicago whom Helmholtz was able to convince to join C Band as a trumpeter.[14] Helmholtz would select five beginning students for special musical tutoring as well as socializing afterward. Once the student had progressed to Ten Square Band, their musical instruction would be taken over by an expert in that instrument. However, this attention could also have unintended and painful consequences and was seen by some as exploiting the students' emotions to produce a stronger band. Some band members, such as Bert Higgens, developed a father-son relationship with Helmholtz that ultimately ended with a certain amount of resentment.[15]

Impersonator in The Sirens of Titan[]

In chapter three of The Sirens of Titan, two agents were sent to recruit Malachi Constant for the Army of Mars. They waited in the Hear Ye Room of the Wilburhampton Hotel claiming to be two pensioners who taught at the same unnamed high school in the Middle West: George M. Helmholtz, a bandmaster, and Roberta Wiley, a teacher of algebra. They were explicitly described as looking like "two Saturday Evening Post characters at the end of the road". These two agents, using the same names but posing as a representative of the mortgage-holders of the Rumfoord Estate and his secretary, later also took Beatrice Rumfoord to Mars.[16]

Background[]

Author and Indianapolis native Dan Wakefield surmised that Helmholtz may be based on Robert W. Schultz, director of the band at Shortridge High School which Wakefield attended a decade after Vonnegut graduated. Though simply large in overall stature rather than "portly" like Helmholtz, Schultz was known for "his devotion to the band and the students, his desire to get the best out of even the most untalented musicians, his... rightful pride in our excellent Shortridge Marching Band" as well as "his temper if the rules of decorum were broken, especially if a student was ever treated disrespectfully. These admirable qualities were upheld and elaborated in all the Helmholtz stories."[17]

Appearances[]

  1. "Short Stories of the American 1950s, Inc., Kurt Vonnegut, Proprietor", Complete Stories, pg. xxiii.
  2. "Section 17: The Band Director", Complete Stories, pp. 803-806.
  3. "The No-Talent Kid" says ten years (pg. 816), "The Boy Who Hated Girls" states twenty (pg. 834) and both take place when Helmholtz is 40 years old.
  4. "A Song for Selma", Complete Stories, pp. 848-850
  5. "The No-Talent Kid", Complete Stories, pg. 816.
  6. "The Kid Nobody Could Handle", Complete Stories, pp. 812-815.
  7. "Ambitious Sophomore", Complete Stories, pg. 829.
  8. "The Kid Nobody Could Handle", Complete Stories, pg. 807. In the original version of "The Boy Who Hated Girls," Helmholtz's wife's name is given as Fern. (pg. 60) He is implied to be unmarried at the end of "Ambitious Sophomore," but this story may also be 5-6 years earlier than the other Helmholtz stories since it involves the third statewide band victory, while "The No-Talent Kid" takes place when Lincoln High has already won nine in a row when Helmholtz was forty and married.
  9. "The Boy Who Hated Girls", Complete Stories, pg. 840.
  10. 10.0 10.1 "The No-Talent Kid", Complete Stories, pp. 816-824.
  11. "The Kid Nobody Could Handle", Complete Stories, pg. 811.
  12. 12.0 12.1 "Ambitious Sophomore", Complete Stories, pp. 825-833.
  13. "A Song for Selma", Complete Stories, pp. 843-852.
  14. "The Kid Nobody Could Handle", Complete Stories, pp. 807-815.
  15. "The Boy Who Hated Girls", Complete Stories, pp. 834-842. Higgens' reasons for and manner of parting with Helmholtz are rather different in the original and rewritten version of the story, see article on “The Boy Who Hated Girls” for more information.
  16. The Sirens of Titan, Vonnegut: Novels & Stories 1950-1962, pp. 367-374.
  17. "Section 17: The Band Director", Complete Stories, pp. 803-804.
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