Hal Irwin's Magic Lamp

"Hal Irwin's Magic Lamp" is a short story first published in its original form in Cosmopolitan in June 1957, later reprinted in Canary in a Cat House in 1961 and in a substantially rewritten form in Bagombo Snuff Box in 1999 and Complete Stories in 2017. It was the only work from Canary in a Cat House not included in 1968's Welcome to the Monkey House, "perhaps... because of its awkward characterization of an African American servant". Vonnegut himself notes in the rewritten version, which changes Ella's manner of speech, that all her dialogue "was in a dialect typical of a person of her race and class and degree of education back then".

Plot Summary

In the summer of 1929, Hal Irwin of Indianapolis built his "magic lamp": an old tin teapot with batteries and a doorbell button. When rubbed, the button would set off a buzzer to call servants. Hal, a "customers' man in a brokerage house," made half a million in the stock market without Mary, his wife of two years who is ten years younger, knowing about it. She assumes they are poor based on the meager allowance he gives her to run the house, but doesn’t mind and feels a religious satisfaction in their humble love. Despite her insistence that she had no desire to be rich, Hal has planned a surprise in which he will reveal their wealth with the help of his magic lamp and a borrowed servant. Ella Rice, who works for one of Hal's friends, is six weeks from giving birth and needs the extra money. She has agreed to dress as a jinni who will be summoned by Hal's lamp. When he wishes for a new car, she will take them out to a Marmon town car, which they will drive to "a big new French chateau... on North Meridian Street". To avoid suspicion, he claims Ella is going to be the new cook. Mary is hurt, assuming that her cooking isn't good enough, but Hal claims it's a matter of pride and that he can't stand seeing the wives of successful college classmates who are doing better financially. He, Harve Muller, and George Gossett were fraternity brothers called "the Grand Triumvirate" who founded the Owl's Club, and Hal insists the three of them "used to run the college". Mary is dismayed.

The next day Ella arrives, pretending to be the new cook. Mary, who can't have a child, asks about Ella's pregnancy. The unmarried Ella breaks down, explaining that the father beat her up when he found out and left. She has no relatives to rely on and isn't sure how much longer she can work. Hal arrives with the new car, only to find the two women tears. Hal had not considered hiring a black man, since he was scared of them. Imagining that his surprise will cheer Mary up, he takes out the magic lamp and Ella, despite her pain, stands up to perform her role. Mary, who has come to like and pity Ella, thanks her for the new car instead of Hal. As they drive to the chateau, Hal points out the grand houses on North Meridian Street, but Mary says she wouldn't want any of them. When they arrive, Hal tells the jinni he wants "a new house at 5644 North Meridian Street". Mary tells Ella she doesn't have to answer, but she yells back that she's getting paid and then goes into labor.

Hal pays for the delivery of the boy, whom Ella names Irwin, and Mary has one of the seven bedrooms of the new house set up for Ella and her baby. Mary had never loved Hal but liked him well enough, and saw their lives together as a job, but now the two hardly spoke. There were several servants, but Mary insisted on doing the cooking. Ella ate alone in her room, which she maintained herself, while Hal told no one at his work about the situation, thinking it would make him look weak. He continued making more and more money, buying stocks on margin until the stock market crash, when he jumped out of a window, having lost everything. Ella and her baby found refuge in a black church and Mary, who never saw her again, returned to her widowed father's dilapidated farm. When she mentioned the poverty she'd seen at the church, he replies that "The poor take care of the poor".

Original Version

In preparing the various stories of Bagombo Snuff Box for republication, Vonnegut found that this story, "The Boy Who Hated Girls", and "The Powder-Blue Dragon" were upsetting "because the premise and the characters of each were so promising, and the denouement so asinine". As such, he rewrote these stories to some extent, calling them "fakes on the order of Piltdown Man, half human being, half the orangutan I used to be".

In the original story, the premise remains largely unchanged, although the Grand Triumvirate founded "Owl and Hammer" and Ella, whose last name is Washington, arrives from an employment agency rather than Hal's friend. From then on, there are significant difference in the original version. Ella arrives pregnant, her husband having left her, taking their meager savings. Mary, who is the same age, takes pity on her even though she can neither cook nor clean and "Mary had to work about three times as hard as she had before she got help". Mary is satisfied with her life with Hal, but wishes she were able to have a baby and Ella wishes God could exchange people's circumstances. When Hal gets home he's disappointed that Ella's pregnant but instructs her on her role as the jinni.

The following Sunday, Hal suggests they take Ella for a drive up North Meridian Street where they stop at a French chateau between Muller and Gossett's homes, with Hal saying he's dropping off a package for a friend. Sending Ella to the kitchen, Hal shows Mary the magic lamp and wishes the house were theirs. Ella reappears in a turban, granting them the house, a new car, a cottage at Lake Maxinkuckee, and country club membership. Mary pretends to be happy and walks out to a large pear tree in the back where she finds a single pear. While eating it, Ella goes into labor and Mary clutches the core of the pear while they drive to the hospital. When Hal tactlessly mentions that they're worth half a million dollars, Mary takes the lamp and wishes for a five thousand dollar college fund for Ella's baby. Shocked, she says she'll name it after Mary if it's a girl and Mr. Irwin if it's a boy, but he sarcastic says to name it Grand Triumvirate instead, which she does.

Returning to the new home, Mary plants the pear core in a flower bed, crying to learn that her husband doesn't know her at all. Realizing he's wasted the last two years, he offers the lamp for her to make a final wish. She wishes to go back to the way things were before and the husband she thought she had. As she rubs the lamp it lets out a cry before its batteries die. Over the years a large pear tree grew, as did Grand Triumvirate Washington, who became a doctor and kept his name, despite Hal's protests. The original triumvirate never met again, all three having lost their fortunes and homes in the stock market crash. One day, Hal and Mary took their nineteen year old daughter Sue to visit a pear tree at a house for sale on North Meridian. Finding only a single pear, they picked it and Hal and Mary took it home to slowly eat.