The Foster Portfolio

"The Foster Portfolio" is a short story first published in Collier's on September 8, 1951 and reprinted in Canary in a Cat House in 1961, Welcome to the Monkey House in 1968 and Complete Stories in 2017.

Plot Summary

An investment counselor, capable of discussing hundreds of thousands of dollars without a second thought, is referred to Herbert Foster by a friend. Arriving at the Foster residence, the investment counselor estimates Foster's income as six thousand a year with a few hundred, maybe a thousand, for investing, the commission for which would be a couple of dollars. Sensing a waste of time, the counselor nonetheless decides to take a look at the Foster finances since he's already there. Finding a decidedly unglamorous home, he meets Herbert—a bookkeeper for a wholesale grocer who has the appearance of a "show-off or wise guy" and plays classical piano—and his wife Alma, who takes pride in their $350 in government bonds. Telling Alma to make them coffee in the kitchen, Herbert leads the counselor, who's desperate to get away from this financial dead end, into the bedroom. He shows him an inheritance from his grandfather which, at first glance, is worth about three quarters of a million dollars about which he's not yet told his wife. The counselor agrees to manage the Foster portfolio. He quickly finds that the Foster family lives an extremely frugal life within the means of Herbert's salary, despite the fact that he now has an after tax income of $20,000 per year from the bonds and securities.

After having the company analysts go over the portfolio, the counselor finds he underestimated its worth by $100,000. He calls Herbert to inform him and also to give him his twenty page financial report, bound in red leatherette instead of the usual cardboard covers. Herbert, however, is uninterested and tells the counselor to do whatever he thinks best. Hoping to drop off the report that evening, he learns that Herbert works a second job at a restaurant Friday through Sunday and has obligations all other nights. Herbert says he'll be at home until 9 p.m., but the counselor arrives late and finds only Alma. He leaves the report and on the way out notes a picture on the mantel that he assumes is a young Alma. However, it's actually Herbert's mother. He learns that Herbert's father made his living playing piano in dive bars and ultimately abandoned the family to maintain his lifestyle. She says his paternal grandfather took care of them financially but in the end died penniless. At a lunch to discuss his account, he still finds Herbert—who says for self-respect a man should live off what he earns through work—uninterested, although he does confirm Alma's story about Herbert's father. Unsolicited, Herbert vehemently states that unlike his father, he will never allow love of music to "get like dope" to him. When the counselor suggests that soon the portfolio will be big enough that Herbert can at least stop working weekends, Herbert gets enraged and tells him to stay out of his person business and continues to insist that he works as he does from his love for his family.

Having now developed a new portfolio with reinvestment and diversification, the counselor feels depressed that he can't show off this "masterpiece" to Herbert himself. He decides to "engineer a coincidence" by learning from Alma the restaurant Herbert works at on weekends and stopping by for dinner, with a copy of the portfolio. He arrives to find a "tough, brassy, dark, and noisy" gin joint with "bored-looking women and racetrack types." Asking around, no one has ever heard of Herbert Foster and the counselor decides that Herbert must have told his wife the name of a random place just so he could get away from her. However, he spots Herbert, with a look of disdain and humiliation, approaching a white piano on stage. Lighting a cigarette, Herbert, known there as "Firehouse" Harris, begins playing "dirty, low-down, gorgeous jazz" and the counselor realizes Herbert's "limited" income allows him to continue playing the dive piano of his father while justifying it as an act of love for his family.

Adaptations

"The Foster Portfolio" was first adapted as an episode of the ABC television program Newsstand Theater on January 16, 1952, directed by Seymour Robbie and starring Wally Cox, Wilford Lytell, Mildred Clinton, Joe Allen Jr., Ruth Gilbert, Harold Gary, and Lorenzo Fuller. It was later the basis of the final installment of the Showtime anthology series Kurt Vonnegut's Monkey House, first aired on April 4, 1993. It was directed by Brad Turner, written by Jeremy Hole, and starred Jon Cryer, Katie Wolfe, and Nick Blake. In 2017 a 19-minute short film version was produced, directed by Danielle Katvan and starring Roe Hartrampf, Joel Nagle, and Rebecca Watson.

Quotes

"A sound portfolio is a thing of beauty in its way, aside from its cash value. Putting one together is a creative act, if done right, with solid major themes of industrials, rails, and utilities, and with the lighter, more exciting themes of electronics, frozen foods, magic drugs, oil and gas, aviation, and other more speculative items."