Tri-benzo-Deportamil

Eli Lilly Corporate Center, Indianapolis

Tri-benzo-Deportamil was a medication developed by the Eli Lilly Company to treat the socially unacceptable symptoms of Tourette's Syndrome—the "Deport" part of the name referred to "deportment". They were roughly the color and size of lentils. Dr. Wilbur Daffodil-11 Swain received a sample of a dozen pills on his fiftieth birthday, the day when gravity first briefly became extremely high. Disoriented, he found himself compelled to take two of them, which quickly brought about a sense of "contentment and confidence" which he had not experienced before. This began a nearly thirty year addiction. In this state, he studied the papers he and his sister Eliza had written when they were a combined childhood genius and was especially taken with their idea of creating artificial extended families. Later he had a nurse order two thousand more. The ever-increasing dosage made the next twenty years seem like "a blurry bird" of time.

Tiny and green, then-senator and presidential candidate Swain would often pop them into his mouth during conversations while pretending to stifle exclamations. By this time they were outlawed and no longer manufactured, but he kept a large quantity in the Senate Office Building. He attributed his "unflagging courtesy and optimism" to them, as well as his youthful disposition even at the age of seventy. In addition, they often made him feel sedated, helped him control his emotional state, and allowed him to act elegant and nonchalant when necessary. Two-thirds through his second term in office, while the Albanian Flu and the Green Death raged, his supply was quickly running out. By then, he had become so dependent that he began to think his life would end when he ran out. He still had some left when he left the White House, and they made him so elated about leaving Washington D.C. after so long that he sang "We're Off to See the Wizard". After being insulted by David Daffodil-11 von Peterswald, who suffered from Tourette's Syndrome, Swain gave him his remaining eleven pills. His withdrawal lasted for six days, requiring him to be tied to a bed, during which he fathered a son with David's mother, Wilma Pachysandra-17 von Peterswald.